Best FML Story Ever
So now that a little time has passed, I need to share the ultimate FML story of all times. Since I am Jewish and hate the cold, I thought I could turn Hoober into a Jewish cold-hating dog. This means that instead of pooping two times a day, he would poop only once in the morning. Last Tuesday night (it was freezing) I made a big mistake and decided that Hoober didn’t need his nightly poop because of my Jewishness.
I woke up the next morning at 5:45am to head to the gym and low and behold Hoober took a huge dump in the kitchen, which has hardwood floors. Well in most realities, this is a good thing that he didn’t poop on the carpet, in Ava’s play area, or on the carpeted stairs. Only if the story could end here.
Enter the Roomba Robot Vacuum. This vacuum is set to automatically clean the floor at 5:00 a.m.every morning. On a typical morning, the family walks down the stairs to a freshly vacuumed floor.
Tuesday was not a typical morning. I walked downstairs to every inch of our 2nd floor covered in smeared Hoober shit. The Roomba did not miss an inch and dragged his poop for almost an hour before it parked itself back into its charger. FML. I was on my hands and knees for 2 hours scrubbing the floor, base boards, under the table, the legs of the chairs, and more. Did I already say that the Roomba made its way across every inch of our floor? I also ran to Home Depot to buy a new carpet and get the house perfect before Ava and my very,very type A, super clean wife woke up and made their way down.